I've had a lot on my mind lately. for one, i just got out of staying at a mental health hospital for a week fo quote unquote suicidal thoughts and depression. psh. it wasn't that bad, but i sure as hell am glad to be home. i had to eat veggie burgers everyday XP

In other news, Xmas passed uneventfully. it's wierd, this year there was no anticipation. no thrill really. it was just like any other day, except with a few gifts. we went to see family dow south an hour. my grandpa is convinced he's going to die soon, which is sad really because he's probly right. *sigh*

I'm knitting up a storm right now. All my friends get knitted gifts this year, as any money i procure goes directly torwards clothes and music (from Hot Topic). i'm selfish like that XD

Anyways, at this moment in time i am babysitting my now hopefully asleep younger brothers. *sigh* o! forgot to mention that today is my mom's bday and i made her a tasty orange chiffon cake with whipped cream and raspberries. it looked as good as it tasted ^^

While i still have it on my mind, i just want to sort of get out something that's bothering me. without naming names, though if this person reads my journal they may know who they are. one of my friends has become too distant from me. it hurts thinking back to the way things used to be between us, and looking at the way things are now. i just wanted our friendship back. i'm tired of how things ended up. i want this person to speak to me, anything, let it be an email or text or something. i've done all i can to repair our friendship, but i'm afraid it may not have worked. i don't even know if we're still friends anymore. I feel like all i'm trying to do now is forget, leave it behind. i don't want to hurt. I don't want this to hurt me anymore. this has been my biggest hurdle in dealing with my bipolar disorder. i obsess. i can't let it go, no matter how hard i try. is it the answer? let it fade away? give it up? i don't want to, but i don't know what else to do. please dear god let me get through this.